don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize