I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
