Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
