It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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