so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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