were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We need to get me chipped asap
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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