Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
