saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
