I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize