hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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