u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
