Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
