When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
