She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
