Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
two words: eviction party
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
