i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
