Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
