Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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