I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
