I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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