4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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