So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
