I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
