Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
