i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
God I need to hump something, right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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