he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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