I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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