omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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