Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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