best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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