I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
