i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
