If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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