omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize