Please, let me fuck your mom
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
