yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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