I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
