She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
