I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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