I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize