11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
