it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
