It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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