I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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