I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
