she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
love makes seman taste better
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
