Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize