Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
