My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
