She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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