I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize