Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
