I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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