I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
