She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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