why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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