he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
