brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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