That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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