if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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