she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
