ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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