I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
