I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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