so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
