the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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