paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
