don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
