My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Jerry, you need to find god
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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