During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize