when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just invented taco cereal.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
