I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize