This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
