I CAN MOONWALK!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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