I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
