I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
