We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
