she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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