My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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