Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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