Can Purell be used as lube?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my poor anus
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize