If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
