that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize