I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
