if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
