You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
