Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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