Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
