I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just high enough for therapy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
