just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
